In the summer of 2022, I took a chance and joined Miss Chinese Chicago to pursue two of my goals. As a Chinese adoptee, it was important for me to connect with my roots and become a part of the Chinese community. Secondly, I wanted to improve my public speaking skills, despite my stutter.
Miss Chinese Chicago was my foundation for preparing for Miss Chinatown USA 2023 in San Francisco. Those two weeks I spent felt quite long in the beginning, but time flew by instantly after the pageant night. The first week was filled with all-day rehearsals, press conferences, and attending sponsor events.
However, the cultural shock that I experienced in the first three days was challenging, since everyone around me knew Mandarin or Cantonese. Fortunately, I had some amazing pageants who helped me understand what was being said. There were moments during that first week when I questioned myself if I could do this a second time, especially in front of 400 people. Of course, the answer is yes, but in those moments, all I could think about was just getting through the day.
As a Chinese adoptee, the journey was hard because I can’t speak Mandarin or Cantonese, so I felt confused about what was happening at events, even when we had to appear on the news, and they weren’t translating for me. It was also hard for me to know if I was answering my pageant question correctly, since they were all related to Asian culture or history.
So, I felt that I wasn’t prepared to answer the question because the connection was not there. When I received the title of Comcast Miss Community Service, I was taken aback as I never expected to receive such an honor.
However, when the sash was placed on me, I was flooded with all the memories I had with both my Chicago and San Francisco communities. It was an emotional moment for me as I felt that all the years when I lacked confidence due to my stutter, nobody cared.
But receiving this title made me feel understood and connected to my heritage as a Chinese adoptee with a stutter. Looking back at these moments, I am honored, grateful, and proud that I represented my true authentic self.
