Starting from March 2020, the world was no longer what we knew it to be. A new virus would spread sickness, death, and a form of racist xenophobia to America. This would mean that the life (that we lived) would completely change. Adults would work from home; Students would attend classes online; And Asian Americans would have to endure/experience Asian-Hate Crimes. When the pandemic started, I was just a middle school student but that didn’t prevent me from experiencing a multitude of different emotions I had never thought of before. During these times, I had to juggle and overcome the challenges relating to being both a young student and Chinese during the pandemic, sometimes intertwining these two.
My education was wholly digital and reliant on online webinars. I would wake up every day, open my computer, and attend Google Meets. Despite numerous innovations that were made to aid the transition to remote learning, it was quite different from at school. The school day was less than 5 hours long and saturated with technical issues. The depersonalization of teaching clearly took a toll on my teachers. In one instance, my classmates and I were asked to change our profile icons to our faces to relieve the awkwardness. This seemingly mundane process wasn’t as dull as I expected. I would have immense amounts of free time used to watching movies and shows with my sister or playing games with my friends. The memories made were enjoyable but I can’t help but think about the opportunities I skipped out on. There was no big field trip to D.C. or any field trips. Graduation was a 5-minute process. Walk, take a photo, leave. That big moment I looked forward to became a little celebration for me to relish internally.
Beyond the screen, I had to make sense of anti-Chinese sentiments and attempt to process them. People were completely convinced the Chinese were responsible and to blame for Covid-19 in America. These people didn’t bring the virus but were still treated like criminals. Even after the pandemic, I would see videos about Asian-hate crimes occurring in my neighborhood and around the country. Headcovers stated: “Chinese elderly women attacked in Chinatown” and “Asian-Hate crimes increasing by X%”. I couldn’t fathom why people continued to go out of their way to attack Chinese people, especially those elders, despite them doing no wrong. So, outside was something to be feared not only for the virus but also for the potential that someone would look at you and suddenly attack. Fear would build and hyper-awareness heightened. To fear, to be hated, to be attacked, simply for being Chinese. That was the experience I saw around me. It took me a long time to process these emotions. I realized in the end, that I didn’t want to let these events define me and rather turn my Chinese identity into my own to cherish. I would speak out about the experience through poetry and perform it as part of an Asian American Pacific Islander showcase.
Emerging past that phase, I gained a resolve to explore, learn, and protect my Asian identity. Upon going to high school, I became part of Asian Identity clubs, even starting my own called Canto Club for people of Cantonese descent. I would give people a community of people to revitalize and strengthen our collective connection to our heritage. With this community, we strive to encourage one another and lend a place free from fear and judgment. Teaching Chinese Traditional Dance would also allow me to spread Chinese culture in a fun and visually expressive way. The fear that once consumed me would be a source of so much pride and encouragement for me to do better and be better.
One of the biggest supports and motivators would be my family. We reacted with the same shock and horror to the Asian-Hate crimes. Their strength made me want to be more courageous. They would be there for me and become the reason I want to be more in touch with my culture. During the pandemic, I was scared of potentially catching COVID and spreading it to them, especially deterring me from spending time with my grandparents who were more prone to a bad reaction. Now being able to act without that fear, I would visit them at any chance I get. Physically showing up and being there feels completely different than calling or dropping by. My family is truly my rock and I strive to make re-make the memories I could’ve had during Covid.
Although the pandemic was rough and there were many troubling issues, everyone has survived and thrived. Big changes were made that forced us to explore new ideas but ultimately I believe having gone through it brings growth! I hope by sharing my story, more light can be shed on the pandemic from a Chinese student’s perspective.